There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Panties = found
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize