Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
