Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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