he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
