I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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