Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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