I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
