I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
