Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
