so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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