I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize