I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
