True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
