i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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