yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
