I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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