I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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