Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
