Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
