help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
