The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
