I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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