Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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