Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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