i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
