I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
