I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize