His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
