I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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