so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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