After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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