If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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