yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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