Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
