hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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