dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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