Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
