i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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