do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
