Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
