remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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