if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
