sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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