i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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