I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
