like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So many bounce houses so little time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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