Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
