I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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