The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Less talking, more tequila
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
