just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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