i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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