I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize