i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
