mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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