somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize