fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
