my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
