is your mom at the bar?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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