maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
