I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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