You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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