I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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