I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
