you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
