I got chris browned last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
