i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do herpes really smell.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My life is pants optional.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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