I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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