I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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