He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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