I will die if light touches me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize