why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
