so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
