He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
