i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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