Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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