oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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