You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
