Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
