My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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