nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize