is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
