weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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