How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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