i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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