i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
