if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
