it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
