I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
