she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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