all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
