I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
