i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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