Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
