Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize