I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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