I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
