she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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