I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
