With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
