Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize