He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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