i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
