Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
