i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
