Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
