The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
