i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
