hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize