You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
