i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
